Never Say Never

Ok, well I was never going to do this. But I guess I am. You’d think I’d learn – there are so many things I swore I’d never do and then I leap right in and do them anyway. Sigh. I guess I’m going to do this, too.

I never wanted to use the blog as a journal. Never wanted to say, “Today I made a cake,” or “Today I’m going on vacation.” I mean, I’m just not that interesting. Surely no one wants to read about the daily comings and goings of my wee life. I just wanted to post things I write and let you have glimpses of who I am through my writing. I really started this as a kind of anger management device. My job was wretched and I wanted somewhere else to put my brain. Didn’t want to think about the work that was making me unhappy. Made myself promise I’d never write anything about work or theater or marketing or development or bad finances or bad shows or bad choices or toxic workplaces. So I haven’t. I just keep posting other random thoughts that rattle around in my little brain.

Then I stopped working at the place that caused me to have screaming fits alone in my car, and life got sunnier. The clenched fist inside my head relaxed and I learned to breathe again. Twinkling summer sun brought fresh air and calm. I cooked for friends and family. I wrote. I played. I sang. And, uh, there was the occasional glass or two (or three) of wine. (I live darned near wine country, after all, and should be forgiven.) A lily of the field, I neither toiled nor spun. Which, of course, was the problem. No toiling or spinning, no paycheck. Ok for a while, but not as ok after six months. Things have been kind of tight around here and I’ve been worried.

What if no one hires me to do the job I love? It’s been seven and a half months. There aren’t all that many theaters around here – I no longer live in metropolitan east coast theater heaven. And I do love this job. I love theater and the business of theater. Of course a non-profit theater isn’t a business, but it needs to be run like one. We don’t sell shoes or ships or ceiling wax – our product is magic. Our job is to touch you and bring you a smile, a laugh, a tear or a thought. Our job is to change you somehow. But the business doesn’t run on magic and so we sometimes struggle and sometimes our work is hard. Our ability to change a human life makes it worthwhile. But that isn’t what I want to tell you. What I want to tell you is that I love the business of theater – marketing and publicizing, developing audience, finding money. And I love the art and the joy that you can (sometimes) find in a theater. Emotions on steroids. Even after working much of my life in theaters, my heart still races on opening night. The smell of an empty theater still makes my tears well up.

Today I got a new job.

I’m excited and happy and giddy and and and… And all that. I am the new Director of Operations, Marketing & Development for a wonderful professional theater company. Shiny bright promise. New troubles will come, to be sure. But the beginning will be filled with the heart racing passion of new love. And I think there will be magic, too.

I just wanted to tell you, even though I said I wouldn’t. Happiness likes to be shared.